Violent Debate
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: Kurama has an assignment for school. Interview six people for their views on the question, "Are men superior."
1. Incredibly Short Intro Chapter

**CHAPTER ONE**

Incredibly Short Intro Chapter!

As Kurama sat in his Civics classroom, he realized he'd picked up several bad habits from his friends. He'd already been singled out several times for not paying attention in class, though it didn't matter, teachers like for the smart kids to act like little angels. His teacher was currently writing some guidelines for some project up on the chalkboard. Kurama sank down in his seat and plucked at a loose string on the sleeve of his purple uniform.

"Now, pay attention! Write this down, everyone. You are to interview six people. The topic is the eternal question--"

"What is the meaning of life!" somebody yelled from the back of the class.

"No. The question of superiority. Are men the superior sex?"

Kurama's jaw dropped. He could see it now...

_Shadow: WOMEN ARE BETTER!!!_

_Hiei: Yeah, you wish._

_Shadow: THAT'S IT! WE'RE TAKING THIS OUTSIDE!!!_

He groaned. Six people, huh?

"We need opinions from both sides and both genders. Each person must tell why they have the opinion they do. Are men superior? Or are women better than men? And don't pick me as a person to interview, either," the teacher said. Kurama scribbled the guidelines down in his notebook. Yes, though I said scribbled, it was still quite clear and readable on the paper. Stupid perfect fox genius.

"You have three weeks to work on this. It's preferable that the interviews are taped, either video or audio, but if you can't do that, you can write the opinions. If that is the case..."

Kurama zoned out again. When the bell rang, he grabbed his books and was the first one out of the room. Luckily, that was the last major class of the day. He stuck his books in his locker, grabbed his bag, and started home.

AND ON THE WAY THERE HE WAS RAPED AND KIDNAPPED AND...

Never mind. Random thought.

Okay. When he got home, he changed his clothes to ones more suited for being at Shadow's house, grabbed his camcorder and tapes and started out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapters 1 & 2 were written on notebook paper, copied onto the computer, run through spell check, and posted, all within four hours. If there's freakyness… Well… I had this idea while playing Sonic Adventure 2 for Dreamcast… It's one of those things that just kinda drifts into your head and you think, "Hey! That'd make a funny scenario in a story! Gotta write!" So that's what I did. I wrote it on paper, copied it… Anywho, I gotta get off the computer cuz it's past 11:00 at night, so I just wanted to get this posted (I haven't updated anything in 10 days!) so it'd be up sooner and stuff so here it is and I'm gonna shutup now.


	2. Interview Subjects 1 and 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Interview Subjects 1 and 2: Shadow and Hiei Jaganshi

"Okay, I have a school project to do, and I need your help," Kurama said. He explained the project to the two fire demons sitting on opposite sides of a poker table, playing--what else?--poker. Shadow was losing horribly, so she was happy for the break. 

"Ready?" Kurama said, focusing the camera on the duo.

"Yah."

"Okay. It's recording. Shadow, what's your opinion? Are men superior?"

"No, they are not, no way, no how, huh-uh, nope, no."

"Think you made that clear enough?" Hiei asked.

"Shut up, man, this is **_MY _**SHOW."

"Now, would you like to explain why women are better, in your opinion?" Kurama said.

"If I must... Women are better because I am part of their gender... I make everything better..."

"Golden touch, right?" Kurama said sarcastically. Hiei snickered behind Shadow's back. "You'll have to give a better reason than that."

"Fine. Women are the creators... They are the givers of life. Some people, like, mostly men, may see women's features as weak, but that's not true... Women are... _gentle..._"

"Shadow, what book did you read this in?" Hiei asked. Shadow instantly got that demonic angry anime girl look on her face and punched Hiei.

"Well, that's not very gentle!" Hiei said as he rubbed his cheek.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted... Men are just big, and dumb, and bumbling. They don't have delicate features like women... Wait... Now I'm making Shuichi sound like a girl... And Hiei too, for that matter... cuz he's not all that big... and he doesn't bumble. However, _Kuwabara..._ Yuck. I'm making Kuwabara sound like more of a man that Hiei and Shuichi... Doom... Can I start over? Thank you. Now, as I was saying, women _create_. They are the givers of _life!_--"

"Yes... That may be true, Shadow, but women couldn't have children without the men, either," Hiei said. Shadow narrowed her eyes.

"Yes, but men have no hope of _ever_ giving birth. All they do is--"

"Ahem!" Kurama said, in an attempt to get their attention and perhaps censor out what Shadow said there.

"--and after walking around for months as a fat whale, the woman goes through a lot of pain to squeeze that baby out her--"

"Shadow!"

"--nine months after the man--"

"HEY!"

"--and then she feeds the baby from her--"

"*exasperated groan*"

"--and gets cavities and shit from malnutrition because most of her nutrition is going to that stupid baby that probably ended up as a boy and is gonna grow up and be WORTHLESS!" Shadow finished, finally. Hiei just stared at her with a sweatdrop.

"If you took ALL the women off the planet, men would be doomed. DOOMED. **DOOOOOMED!!!** MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Once again, Hiei stared. Finally he said, "Yes, but it'd be the same if the women were left alone on earth."

"Women are smarter," Shadow said, changing the subject. "All men care about is football, beer, and sex. They're uncivilized."

"Well, I'm so glad you hold me in such high regard, Shadow," Hiei said sarcastically.

"You're different."

"I'm a man. You said men, and I fall in that category."

"What makes me so sure of that?"

"Want me to prove it?"

"HEY! NOT HERE!" Kurama yelled desperately.

"Eeep!" Shadow and Hiei said in unison. ('eep' isn't a very Hiei-ish word...)

"Sorry, sir!" Shadow said, bowing. Hiei smirked.

"Obviously you really know, maybe subconsciously, but you **know** men are better. You're bowing to one. You just like to **think** women are better because you are one," he said. Shadow kicked him in that area below the waist and he fell over and curled up on the ground in pain. 

"Men are weak!" 

Shadow made sure Kurama taped Hiei lying on the ground curled up in pain.

"Shadow..." Hiei growled.

"Uh-oh."

"You are so **DEAD**!!!" Hiei shouted. He lunged at her and they vanished from sight as he knocked her to the floor.

The door opened and Eclipse walked in. A second afterwards, Yusuke and Kuwabara walked in. Convenient, ne? Well, the bakas might as well just live in Shadow's house... They're there all the time...

"What are you taping?" Yusuke asked curiously.

"It's supposed to be something for--"

"Oh my God! Get this on tape! Gimme that!" Eclipse said, snatching the camera from Kurama's hand She focused it on Hiei and Shadow on the floor, who were no longer killing each other, but were instead curled up in each others' arms with their eyes closed.

"Eclipse! That's for SCHOOL!!!" Kurama said. "Stop!"

"Is it? Heh heh heh..."

"GIVE IT **BACK**!"

"Good Lord..." She handed him the camera.

"Thank you. Now if you'd be so kind... Shadow, could you be serious for a second and tell me your opinions and reasoning so I can get this stupid project over with quickly and not have to think about it for three weeks?"

Shadow was suddenly sitting in a chair at the table again.

"Okay. Women are superior. They give birth. They're smarter. Most are more civilized. Ahm..."

"Are we comparing women to men here?" Yusuke asked.

"No. We're comparing women to trees, baka," Shadow said sarcastically. She looked directly at the camera and pointed to Yusuke.

"This is a prime example of a man stupider than a woman. And Kuwabara there too."

Kurama swiveled the camera and focused it on them for a second. When he turned back, Hiei was sitting in his chair at the table as well.

"I agree that those two are bakas, but in most cases, men are superior."

"No they aren't," Shadow said.

"In the Bible it says God created humans in His image or something to that effect, doesn't it? The first human was a MAN, so God must be a man, so of course men are superior."

"Yes, but the second human was a WOMAN!" Shadow said.

"Yes, well that's the second one. And she was created from the man."

"But he didn't give birth to her."

"Thank God..." Hiei muttered.

"How do you know he didn't give birth? Maybe the first man _could_ give birth but after a while God realized there'd be a problem with that."

Hiei stared, wide-eyed. "Ri-i-i-i-i-ght. And wasn't the woman the first one to fall to Satan's charms?"

"I dunno."

"And why do you think humanity is also called '**man**kind?' Because MEN are superior," Hiei pointed out. Shadow narrowed her eyes.

"Oh yeah, well back to the religious stuff, a **woman** gave birth to **Jesus**."

"Well DUH. You yourself said that men couldn't give birth, so of course it was a woman who gave birth to Jesus."

"Yes, but God could have just poofed Jesus into existence, but He made that lady pregnant and she gave birth. So obviously He wanted the woman to give birth because it'd be more beneficial," Shadow said.

"Right... If women are so great, why do they no have very important roles in history?"

"Dude, I don't know the first thing about history. Except that it's in the past and has something to do with dead people," Shadow said stupidly.

"Hn."

"Well if men are so great, why are so many, if not all, of those barbarians and conquerors and such all men?"

"Because women are too weak to conquer," Hiei answered simply.

"And men aren't weak? Look at this!" Shadow kicked Kuwabara in the groin. He screamed like a girl and passed out.

"You can't use the baka as an example!"

"How about you?" Shadow asked as she made Kurama aim his camera at Kuwabara's unconscious stupid form on the ground. "I kicked you and it hurt you."

"Shutup."

"We are way off topic here," Kurama said.

"No we aren't. We're talking about how weak men are," Shadow said. "Women don't have and weaknesses that are characteristic of just their gender."

Hiei changed the subject again. "Well men sing rock music. How many rock bands are there with female lead vocalists?"

"Ahm..."

"See?"

"Women sing pop music..."

"Which sucks."

"I know."

"HA!"

"But women are smarter."

"Oh yeah? Name one famous smart woman who did something worth mention in the history books," Hiei challenged. Shadow smiled.

"Me!"

"Ha, ha, ha. I can name quite a few men. Einstein. Edison. The guy who invented PIZZA!"

"He was Italian."

"So?"

"Name some Japanese dudes who did some cool stuff."

"We aren't talking about Japan, Shadow, we're talking about men's superiority!"

"Well F***!!!"

"_SHADOW!_ This is for **SCHOOL**!!!" Kurama yelped.

"Shadow admits defeat," Hiei said to the camera. "Men are better."

"I never admitted _anything_! Look at me! I'm a woman, and I'm the best person in this house!" Shadow said.

"And look at K-- er... Shuichi. He's a guy, and he's a friggin' genius!"

"Well that's cuz--" Shadow started.

"Aht! But he's still a guy."

"*inaudible grumbles*"

"Admit defeat yet? Maybe if you admit it I'll stop humiliating you."

"I'm not humiliated."

"You're just losing this debate so horribly it's funny. No, that's not humiliating. Of course not," Hiei said sarcastically.

"I'm not losing."

"Yes you are. Give it up, Shadow. I never lose. Anything. **_Ever_**. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"You lose card games. To him," Shadow pointed at Kurama.

"He cheats."

"Suuuuure he does."

"*snarl*"

"Heh heh heh."

"Well, I'd say I've got my first two people interviewed..." Kurama muttered, turning off his camera as Shadow and Hiei settled down and dealt out some more cards.


	3. Lots of Arguing

Hi. It's me. Devil lady. Shadow. I shall… eat your soul… No, just kidding. I shall respond to your reviews. I had two on chapter one, so I'll just put them here as well.

**Mari Youma-** Really, I have no clue where I got the idea for this, cuz it came around while playing SA2, which has nothing to do with men being superior.

**Yami-AJ Yu-Yu-InuCaptor-** Geez… your s/n is long. Anyway, Thanks.

**Aura Black Chan-** Don't worry. The only story so far that I haven't finished is my Christmas one… Which I'll prob'ly finish around Christmas this year. ^_^ 2004. Heh heh.. Long wait, I know.

**kaida13-** Nice. Sounds like something I'd do. ^_^ You know, in one of my stories, replying to reviews, I think I made your name kaidal3 (as in KAIDAL3), and if I really did, and you noticed, I'm sorry. It is 13, isn't it?

**Robin Autumn-** Three days later good enough?

**Dark Dragon34-** Don't worship the ground… Worship me! J/K. I think if people started worshipping me I'd be really scared. But I'll take the sweet snow! *snatches*

**Silver Sniper-** It's not like I used God as a character… I just talked about Him. Don't worry, I'm fully intending to continue this to the end of the three weeks. ^_^

**Aya Komodo-** I think your review got cut off, but if you were gonna say that Juri says Hiei is 4' 10", I already knew, but I took the liberty of making him a few inches taller because I think being under 5' would be kinda lousy… Besides, he's gotta be at least 5' 3" with the hair…

**Kitsune-** Don't worry, I'll write that sooner or later. ^_^

**animerocker-** I don't have the slightest clue where I got this idea… I don't remember. I was playing video games (one I'd played a bazoogle times and don't need to think a whole lot about while playing)… and I was thinking… and the next thing I knew, I'd decided to write this story… And Shadow and Hiei were cuddling on the floor… I dunno why. Because it'd be a good embarrassing thing to get on Kurama's tape to show to the class and his teacher.

**Heavenfire Hellfury-** Maybe. Well, they'll talk to Koenma later, I know that much, but I'm not sure he'll wanna clear up the religious thing.

**Crimson Colored Cloaked Figure-** Yes, I'll update the others as soon as I get time (soon. It's a weekend, I'll most likely have the time now.)

Read on!

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**CHAPTER THREE**

Lots of Arguing

_(Not like that's uncommon)_

Kurama, back in _wonderful_ school where he just _loved_ to be, was completely zoned out. His evil substitute biology teacher paced up his row and smacked a ruler down on his desk.

"Minamino!" she snapped in that annoying voice of hers. He looked up at her innocently. "You have an hour to do this test! For most students that is _hardly_ enough time. What are you doing?!"

"I'm done."

"What?"

"I finished my test."

"Young man, don't get an attitude with me!"

"I'm not. I'm simply saying I'm done," Kurama said innocently. There were a couple snickers from the boys next to him.

"Well then, I guess you wouldn't mind if I graded it now?" the lady said.

"Be my guest."

Obviously she wasn't expecting that answer, but after a second she took the test back up to her desk to grade. Kurama watched her. Substitute teachers were such a pain. None of them ever knew his reputation unless they'd been there before, so they were always so impressed. Or mad, like Miss What's-Her-Face seemed to be. What was her name, anyway? Kurama looked at the board. 

How rude. Teacher-lady didn't even write her name on the board. And do you think he was paying attention when she may have said it?

No.

So she's just Miss Teacher-lady.

Well, a minute later, this Miss Teacher-lady told him she wanted to speak to him in the hall. So he went out into the hall where SHE TRANSFORMED INTO A DEMON AND ATTACKED HIM AND THEY FOUGHT AND BLEW UP THE SCHOOL!!!

No. Not really. See, when I write, I just get these randoms stupidities in my head, like that, and the thing in chapter one. And they're supposed to be said in this extremely over-exaggerated suspenseful voice. That's why they're in caps lock. 

So anyway, Kurama got up and walked into the hall to talk to this lady.

"How did you do this?" she asked, holding up his 100% paper.

"My IQ is way above genius level. I'm top student in the school. The substitute teachers are always startled with my grades," Kurama said.

"Oh... Well, go sit down, Shuichi."

"Thank you." And he did just that. He had 40 minutes left to zone out and have these horrid scenarios of doom run through his head that involved Shadow and the camera he accidentally left at her house. Luckily the tape he'd already used was in his locker.

School is a drag.

Meanwhile, Shadow hadn't even noticed that his camera was in the guest bedroom where he'd spent the night. She had her _own_ camera. Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Eclipse had gone to school, so she was left alone with Hiei, like usual.

They had somehow come to an agreement (or a disagreement) without using words to say it directly, that they were going to argue every time they saw each other. Shadow walked into the dining room where Hiei was sitting and watching the fishies swim in their tank. He looked up at her. They stared at each other for a second before Hiei said, "Men are superior."

"No they aren't. Where would men be without women? Women clean the houses--"

"You don't."

"--cook the meals--"

"Which are only edible 5% of the time..."

"--take care of the children--"

"Which isn't getting you any points because we don't have kids..."

"--handle the money issues--"

"Not that we have any... But usually that's the man's job."

"Ha! Well whenever you get hurt, I always end up taking care of you."

"You and Kurama."

"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE A COMEBACK?"

"Because I'm superior."

As you can see, this has turned more into a personal thing. It's not a 'men are superior' kinda thing, it's a 'Hiei is superior' kinda thing. And Shadow is trying to prove him wrong. It's not a 'man is superior vs. no they aren't', it's a 'Hiei is superior vs. no he isn't'. Get it? Good. I'm glad.

"Hiei, you are not superior," Shadow said flatly.

"Uh... Yeah I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes. I am. Give me two reasons you're better than me."

"I'm a girl, and I'm smarter."

"I strongly doubt you're smarter, and being a girl means nothing. Not all girls are better than men."

"HA! NOT _ALL_, YOU SAY. BUT SOME MUST BE! I'M ONE OF THEM!"

"I admit that's what I said... You, however, are not an example."

"What? Well then who is?!"

"Any woman who could win a fight against me would be superior."

"Mukuro?"

"Hn."

"Yeah, whatever. I could beat you easy."

"Sure, yeah right. Not if we were fighting seriously. I would never fight you with my full power, however, Shadow, because you are weak and frail."

"WHY I OUGHTTA---" Shadow kicked Hiei in the shin. "THAT WAS RUDE! SO VERY TYPICAL OF A _MAN_."

"That didn't hurt."

"You know what? We're taking this outside! Come on, little man, you think you can beat me, huh?" Shadow yelled, just as Kurama walked in the front door. He stopped and stared at them.

"Shadow, I'm not going to fight you."

"Very good. Then it'll be easy for me to beat you up! Showing once and for all that women are better."

"I won't fight you, but I can dodge."

"So? I'm half fire demon, I can keep up."

"Whatever," Hiei resigned, shrugging and walking out the door. Shadow followed him onto the front lawn. Kurama just stood there as they walked past, only moving so he was standing on the porch, slack-jawed and obviously trying to say something to stop them; his mouth was moving but no words came out.

Five minutes later, with the rules sorted out, the two fire demons were prepared to fight. Shadow was mad, Hiei was... indifferent. Actually it was more of a "you brought this on yourself, it's not my fault" kinda look on his face.

"Okay, Hiei, I'm gonna prove this once and for all that I am better than you," Shadow said. Hiei sighed.

"Okay," he said. Kurama finally found his voice and his brain. He walked off the porch and stalked deliberately towards Shadow. She looked at him. Both of them watched him coming until he stopped right in front of Shadow, no emotion showing on his face, and hit her in the side of the head.

"BAKA! YOU CAN'T FIGHT HIEI! HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND, AND YOU _KNOW_ THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD BEAT HIM, EVEN IF HE DIDN'T HIT YOU!"

"Owie..." Shadow mumbled, shrinking down to a height of about 6 inches.

"Thank you, Kurama. You just saved her loads of humiliation," Hiei said matter-of-factly. Then he turned and strolled back to the house. Before he got to the porch, Shadow was back to her normal size and strangling Kurama.

"Eclipse!" Kurama said as Eclipse walked in the door. He was now free from being strangled and Shadow and Hiei were in separate rooms to keep from arguing ("If I must treat you two like small children, then I will. You're sure acting like a couple of two-year-olds." Kurama had said).

"Hi."

Kurama whipped his camcorder out and hit record. "Are men superior?"

"What the hell kinda stupid question is that? NO. Stupid boy..." Eclipse said snottily. Then she laughed. "Seriously. No. They aren't better."

"Yes they are," Hiei said under his breath. His back was to Eclipse so she couldn't see the evil smile on his face. But Shadow could, from the next room, and she flew across the room and tackled Hiei, knocking him backwards onto the dining room table.

"HEY!" Kurama yelped as his school books and the table's centerpiece were all knocked onto the floor. The centerpiece shattered into a trillion pieces ("No big loss," Shadow said a couple days later as she stood over Hiei, who was sweeping the mess into a dustpan at her order). Kurama's books just fell open and papers spilled out and pages folded. Shadow was now on top of Hiei, on the table, glaring at him with thsoe scary anime devil-girl eyes.

Kurama's mouth was hanging open, and he was inadvertently getting the whole mess on film. Eclipse cleared her throat.

"You do know, Kurama, that that looks rather inappropriate to film for something to show in school," she said. Kurama looked at her stupidly, then realized he was filming it and quickly turned away.

"Well so was the thing yesterday with Hiei and Shadow cuddling on the floor for reasons only they know! But you taped it!" he retorted.

"Before I knew it was for your school. But you were taping them fighting and strangling and cussing, so I don't see what's so bad about it."

"**incoherent mumbles that don't sound too happy**"

"Now, where was I? Oh yes. Men are not superior. Men are pigs. I heard some kid talking the other day, and he's like, 'Men like women who work, because then they can sit on the couch all day.' That's a quote. From a guy. At least they realize they're worthless! Geez! And then, this other dude I was talking to--"

"Eclipse, not to interrupt you for any reason in particular, but I think I need to do something about those two first, so..." Kurama started to turn the camera off, but Eclipse got right up on the lense and said, "YOU MEN SUCK!!! WORTHLESS, YOU HEAR!" Then Kurama pulled it away and turned it off, hastily stuffing it into his bookbag to keep it safer. After that he quickly moved around to where Shadow was sitting on Hiei and loudly threatening to poke out his Jagan if he didn't admit inferiority.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This story has short chapters… Geez. I'm disappointed. Please tell me you aren't. And that bit in the beginning, what with Kurama's grades, might be significant later, but it might not, either. I'm not sure why I put it there.


	4. They're Plotting Something

**Sooo… It turns out I've had this chapter done for quite some time but didn't realize I hadn't posted it… Soooo… Sorry? It was all Hiei's fault. gets killed**

**Okay... Reviews... I have a million here...**

**x Baka-Neko x-** Glad you liked it. Here's the next chapter which I was so cruel as to accidentally not know I kept from you people.

**Hakudoshi-chan-** I'm updating! Jeez, don't hurt me...

**KuramasGurl13-** I always finish my stories. Sooner or later, they're always finished.

**KumiHatari-** Japanese is a cool language... Go ahead and speak it. I might have no idea what you mean, but that's cool too.

**chocogurl-** I shall update, for thee has... uh... I dunno. Just read the story. Kidding. Well, no, I'm not kidding about reading the story, but I suppose if you're reading this then you probably have every intention of scrolling down and reading chapter four, right?

**Hedi Dracona-** And I don't even have to try! I feel talented.

**Mari Youma-** The teacher... is gonna see Kurama's tape... and... doom will ensue? Stuff will happen? Whatever. It'll be funny, I'm sure.

**Princess Krystal01-** Glad you like it.

**Kaida13-** Nope. I'm the Queen of typos. Especially when I'm tired or when my hands are cold (both are true at the moment). I just usually fix my typos so nobody knows. I've made about five just in this comment thingy.

**Agake Koi-** Their profiles are on my bio... I have a couple pictures of Shadow drawn and posted on myotaku (I think there's a url on my bio)...Glad you like the story.

**cat-** Oh. My. God. I LOVE YOU, YOU JUST GAVE ME AN IDEA! huggles to death, then dances away to write, then realizes something semi-important hurries back to finish replies

**Ookami Aya-** Hiei is MY cute little demon. is brutally murdered by Hiei Well... Damn. But... Now I can go to Reikai and pester Koenma! I think.

**Madame Arrow Foxfire-** alsheimers again I forget what you could possibly be referring to... Cuz... I haven't read my own story in ages. But... Thanks for reviewing?

**Black Cat-** I don't need excuses from other people. I need to give excuses for not updating in ages... If I don't update, then nobody can review whether they are available to or not. starts reading list of already used excuses I think I've used every semi-believable one. Time to resort to lies. IT WAS THE CICADAS!

**Crimson Colored Cloaked Figure-** 400 strong demons have to restrain Hiei from killing CCC for saying that Shadow is equal to him, and for calling him a dumbass But hey, it's true. 400 strong demons can no longer control Hiei and Shadow Jaganshi is severaly mauled

**KageYoukai-** Yes, Your Highness. magical update appears Wow, look at that.

**Heavenfire Hellfury-** I think this one is a bit longer than the last one... Probably a lot longer, actually... I dunno.

**Yayo-** Sub teachers are cool if they're subbing for a normal teacher you hate and they're cooler than the normal teacher. I don't have to worry about subs for three months though, because I'M FREE! I'M FINALLY FREE!SUMMER VACATION ROCKS!

**Aura Black Chan-** Sorry it took so long for _me_ to update. Like I said to... somebody else... (alsheimers again)... I need to be the one apologizing to all you people for taking so friggin long to get this chapter up.

**Draikitha-** "I'm lovin' it" makes me suddenly remember seeing a cup from McDonald's that said "I'm lovin' it" in like... six different languages (including Japanese! Yay!) And I commented on it and none of my friends knew what I was talking about cuz they don't know what Kanji is.

**nutari-** Updates shall ensue! I mean... No, that's supposed to be DOOM SHALL ENSUE! That's it! WHO IS MESSING WITH MY BRAIN TODAY?

**_Woo. That was a lot of reviews. Okay, well, oh, if you noticed in my comment to Black Cat I said "It was the cicadas," I got that from the Blues Brothers. That's a good movie, so you should watch it if you get the chance. It's funny. Have I already recommended that to you? I've lost track of everything I've said to the online world through 15 stories and 90 (this makes 91) chapters... I think._**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

They're Plotting Something...

_(Oh, doom, y'know?)_

Yusuke looked at the test his language arts teacher had just dropped onto his desk.

32%. Surprisingly high, being as he'd guessed on more than half of them.

Hiei had managed to escape Shadow's wrath with his Jagan still in one piece on his forehead, thanks partially to Kurama, but also thanks to his Jagan, which can be quiet... persuasive...

Shadow, though half demon, was obviously weak-minded, as he'd managed to fuddle up her mind enough so that she still thought he was going to transform into a butterfly at any given moment. She was watching him with unwavering attention, barely ever blinking. It was kinda disturbing.

_Why_ he'd ended up making her think he was a butterfly, he didn't know, but for some reason she thought he was. Oh well. It was better to have her stare at him like he might sprout wings any second than for her to gouge out his precious third eye. Or, while we're on the subject, his not-quite-as-precious-but-still-rather-important normal eyes. He looked at her, quirking an eyebrow.

Okay, maybe it wasn't.

"Shadow," he said dryly. "Stop staring at me."

"I can't. I might miss something."

Hiei walked away. She followed. He stopped. So did she. Briefly, he wondered whether she'd start doing jumping jacks if he did, but decided against testing that. Turning around, he slapped her across the face.

"SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU WEAK-MINDED WOMAN!"

Boom. She was on top of him in a second, snarling like a maniac.

"OH, JUST BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN I HAVE A WEAK MIND, HUH? WHAT THE HELL KINDA WAY TO THINK IS THAT?!"

"Well, you've been thinking I was a butterfly since yesterday, Shadow."

"NUH-UH!"

"Yeah. Would you mind letting go of my hair? That's kinda painful."

Shadow let go of his hair, which she'd been pulling to one side for some reason to tilt Hiei's head. She also jumped backwards a few feet since she'd been hanging onto him when he was still standing up.

"... Well? Are you saying all women are weak-minded? Or is it just me?"

"Nah. Eclipse probably is too. Don't worry, you're not alone."

_SHWACK._

"Owie," Hiei said in an oddly high voice. He fell over backwards as baseball bat-wielding Shadow smirked.

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the element of surprise."

"Shut up, Shadow."

Shadow stuck out her tongue.

"Unless you want me to bit that tongue off, keep it inside your mouth," Hiei said coldly.

"What good'll that do? It's not quite safe there, either. If you really wanted to bite off my tongue, you get it while it's in my mouth, too," Shadow said dryly.

"It'd be harder to get to inside your mouth, so keep it there."

Shadow once again stuck out her tongue and he snapped his teeth. She quickly put her tongue back in her mouth with a startled look on her face. Then out of nowhere she said, "Women are better."

"We're _not_ having a fist fight this time. Because men are superior and that's all there is to worry about," Hiei said. Shadow growled.

"What would you do if I kicked you out of my house?" Shadow asked.

"Live somewhere else."

"Where? A _tree_?" Shadow taunted.

"It always worked before," Hiei said, shrugging.

"..."

"What?"

"...You suck."

"No, Shadow, you suck."

"Oh? How would you know?"

The rest of the conversation has been censored due to Hiei starting to sound like my friend (who is a guy) at lunch in school. Which is scarily horrifying.

Kurama spotted Yusuke and Kuwabara on the way to Shadow's house and caught up to them.

"Kuwabara, tell me, do you think men are superior?" Kurama asked.

"You know... I think I read in some book somewhere that all men are equal under the eyes of God. D'ya think that applies to women, too?"

Kurama let out an exasperated groan, muttered something like "_Useless_" under his breath, and turned to Yusuke with his camera (that he'd obviously not forgotten at Shadow's house this time.). The boy was laughing at Kuwabara.

"Hey, baka, I think that might have been the Bible that said that, do you think so?" he said.

"I dunno. Who wrote it?"

"I could always be wrong, though," Yusuke said sarcastically, looking at the camera with a wink.

They turned into Shadow's yard and headed into her house. When inside they found Shadow sitting peacefully in front of her computer typing, with Hiei sitting Indian-style on the floor beside her.

"Hello," Kurama said.

"Hi," Shadow answered cheerfully.

"Whatcha doin'?" Kuwabara asked.

"Writing. A contract," Shadow said.

"A contract?" Kurama asked. The three boys swarmed over and hovered behind her, reading the writing on the computer screen.

_In signing this contract we swear to abide by the terms stated below._

_#1- Shadow and Hiei Jaganshi will live together in the house as equals and will no longer fight over superiority._

_#2- The above stated will take turns caring for the house and the house's other occupants._

_#3- Decisions will not be made without the consent of the other in the house._

_#4- ... Dammit, it sounds like we're getting married._

"What the heck kind of number four is that?!" Kurama asked. Hiei glanced up at the screen.

"Well it does."

"Which we aren't," Shadow said thoughtfully.

"Well, a contract is a good idea, but I think it'd be a bit difficult for Shadow to abide by," Kurama said. "What brought this around?"

"Arguing over superiority again, of course," Shadow said. "Hiei won't admit that I'm better, so he decided that at least if I'm not better we could at least decide on being equals, and--"

"Then she decided that if we're equals, it's not fair that she's always the one doing all the work," Hiei said. "If you ask me, look at this house, and you can see she does a whole lotta work on it, right? So anyway," he pressed on quickly to avoid another bump on his head, "she decided that we should have a written contract."

"Ah."

Kurama thought for a minute.

"I think you guys should just keep living how you are now," Yusuke said. "There's nothing wrong with a good healthy argument once in a while."

"... Getting hit in the head repeatedly with a baseball bat isn't quite what I'd call healthy, Yusuke," Hiei pointed out.

"... Ah."

Eclipse appeared at the door. "HULLO, GROUP OF FRIENDS!" she screamed, interrupting their conversation. She danced into the room. Shadow had a thoughtful look come across her face.

"Ditch all this equality crap! I just had an idea!" She grabbed Eclipse's wrist and flew out of the room and up to her bedroom.

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" Eclipse cheered all the way up the stairs as she flew behind Shadow like a rag doll. The door slammed shut behind them.

"Eclipse! Men are inferior, right? We have to think up a huge list of things about the guys we know that annoys us. Let's start with the easy one. Kuwabara."

"He's stupid, he's clumsy, he's weak, he smells bad, he's obsessed with cats, his voice sounds stupid, he's ugly, he's a big oaf, the way he runs is the slowest, stupidest way of running I've ever seen, he thinks he's cool when he's really not... Need I continue?" Eclipse said instantly.

"Wow. I never knew you could say so many insults in one sentence. Well actually I did. I've probably done worse before."

"Most likely."

So these two started thinking of all the annoying things they could about each of the guys downstairs, and they didn't have a very easy time of it when thinking of things for Kurama ("Well... he's really smart... does that count?") and Hiei (He's... uh... well... he's short... and... uh... violent?" "No more violent than you, Shadow.").

Kurama had noticed Shadow and Eclipse lurking around him ever since they came down the stairs. When he'd gone to do his homework at the dining room table, Shadow suddenly had some great interest in showing Eclipse her new fish that she'd had for three weeks. They were so distracting that even Kurama couldn't concentrate, and when he closed his book with an unintentionally loud snap, Shadow nearly jumped out of her body.

"What's up?" she asked. "Where're you going?"

"To my room to do my homework, since you two are the most distracting people I've ever met."

"Not your civics homework, right?"

"What? The interviews? I have two and a half weeks left for that, and I've already got four out of six. They can wait. Why are you so interested?"

"No reason," the girls said together, wearing identical looks of mock-innocence that were the type you'd see on one of those shirts that says something like "10% angel" or something... They looked maniacal.

"Sure... right..." Kurama muttered, walking away quickly. Halfway up the stairs he glanced back to see the two girls looking at him from around the corner.

"Are you stalking him or something?" Hiei asked, appearing out of nowhere behind them. The two girls did a slow 180 turn and the expressions on their faces didn't change. "Rightio..." he said nervously. He walked away too.

"Well, it seems we're out of danger for the moment. Kurama's in his room, so he won't be interviewing for a while," Eclipse said, losing the smile.

"Jolly good! Let's go maul people," Shadow said. The two ran upstairs to Shadow's vast layout of video games and proceeded to take turns virtually beating people up with a wide variety of weapons.

They learned two things: Number one: though it may look fun to hit people with frying pans, it really hurts. Number two: make sure that when you finally knock somebody unconscious with a frying pan (really, if it's a good frying pan, that won't take long) that they are not standing at the top of the stairs.

Hiei stared at the unconscious forms of Eclipse and Shadow, both gripping frying pans, sighed, and stepped over them, not giving a second's more attention to their injuries.

Nobody else even noticed until around seven o'clock when Shadow still hadn't called anybody down for dinner. Yusuke noticed first and went to Kurama.

"Hey, Kurama," he said unconcernedly, knocking on his bedroom door.

"Hmm?" Kurama asked, opening the door.

"I just thought you might want to do something with those two girls... Apparently they've beat each other senseless with iron frying pans."

Kurama's eyebrows raised a bit, but the look on his face was only that of mild interest.

"Oh, yeah, I noticed that a couple hours ago," Hiei said dryly from inside Kurama's room. Now Yusuke's eyebrows raised. Before Kurama could reply to Hiei's comment, Yusuke interrupted him.

"What's Hiei doing in your room?"

"Preventing me from doing my homework, actually. Hiei, what _are_ you doing in my room?"

"I was carrying on somewhat of a conversation, I believe. What did _you_ think, Yusuke?" Hiei asked, now beside Kurama.

"Oh, nothing..." Yusuke said, twiddling his thumbs.

The two demons stared at him for a minute.

"He probably thought I was screwing you or something..." Hiei said dryly, pushing past Yusuke and into the hall. Kurama looked down on Yusuke with some sort of un-Kurama-ish fury.

"No I didn't!!!" Yusuke squealed. Hiei laughed as Yusuke went tearing past him and down the stairs, tripping over Shadow's still form at the bottom.

"I wasn't really going to kill him..." Kurama said innocently.

"Just maim him, right?"

"... Perhaps."

"What should we do about those two bakas?" Hiei asked casually, pointing down the stairs.

"Something, I suppose," Kurama replied a somewhat bored tone.

"Yes... Probably, that would be something of a good idea."

And yet neither of them moved. They looked at each other.

"Well? Don't all volunteer at once," Hiei said.

BUT KURAMA... Never mind, dammit, I ain't even gonna finish that random thought... Psycho. I should be maimed with a frying pan. And 400 maniacs are all too eager to comply. Never mind... Oo

"You can help them," Kurama said. "Why am I always the healer?"

"Because you're smart. Go do something with them before they die," Hiei replied boredly.

"If they've been lying there for hours they're probably already dead."

"So? Then you should do something with their dead bodies. Like bury them."

"Well why don't you? You could cremate them."

"That's a lousy thought."

"So?"

"So go get your damned plants and heal them."

"I don't feel like it."

"Well you--"

"--you can't make me."

"Oh yeah?"

"I'd bet on it, shorty."

"Yeah, well you'd lose, then!"

The argument went for quite a while. Shadow leaned over to Eclipse.

"Did we add useless to our list?"

"Shut up! You're unconscious!"

"Oh. Right."

And they became unconscious again. That was a writer's oops. Actually, it was an intentional oops, but... Whatever.


	5. Not Much

**I FEEL HORRIBLE!  
I almost posted chapter six without posting chapter five because I was sure I had posted chapter five. To put it in some other terms: This happened with chapter four as well. I don't know how long I've had chapter five finished and not posted, but I just finished chapter six (it's short, though), so obviously it's been a while.**

**Okami Youkai-** Please don't die laughing... That'd be bad. (Yes, Kuwabara's a man, but so is Hiei... And Kurama. And... and... and... Well, let's just say there's a lot more men out there that are better than Kuwabara, so we can't judge the entire sex just by him... BUT WOMEN ARE BETTER, BECAUSE SHADOW IS A WOMAN. And I'm a woman and I created Shadow... So ha. :D)  
**Draikitha-** They were unconscious... And they had a comment on Hiei and Kurama's argument... So they said it while they were supposed to be unconscious. It was just me being weird.  
**What2callmyself-** I don't think they're equals, but neither is better than the other. It's kinda impossible, cuz if one isn't better and they aren't equals, what are they? Non-existant... There are some men that are better than some women and some women that are better than some men but really it just kinda balances out. Sorta. In a way. Maybe. Forget it. WOMEN ARE BETTER! ;D  
**Heavenfire Hellfury-** I know how irritating it is to wait for updates, especially on a really good story and you just wanna read the next chapter so bad and then the person takes THREE MONTHS TO UPDATE and you have to re-read the entire story to remember what happened. **Sorry that I happened to be like that with this story... and a few others...  
Phoenixblade-** Good Lord, child, you write long freakin' reviews... I started reading Purple High, but I think it had like a million chapters and I never got around to finishing it... Ah. You forgot how to say 'towel'? Have you ever been looking for something then realized you're holding it? I do that a lot. I forget my name sometimes. And I almost called my dog Shadow once, and that's not her name... O.o My mom called me Misty before and that's my dog's name. I forget the most obvious things, things I've known since kindergarten, like that milk does NOT go in the cabinet, and you throw away the candy WRAPPER, not the candy. Heh heh.  
**Silver Sniper-** Glad you liked it.  
**kaida13-** I think I was aiming to put scary images in peoples heads... Yup, I was. ::gets hit with a stick::  
**Mari Youma-** Summer is a time of 80 degree weather, lots of sun, annoying neighborhood children screaming and riding 3-year-old's bikes around when they're only a year younger than ME, and having no air conditioning and no sticks long enough to hit the annoying kids with while still managing to stay in front of the computer. (That's why I have headphones. So I can pretend they don't exist. I do a good job of that.) In other words, summer is not a really happy time. BUT _I'M_ HAPPY! ::dances around until she falls over from heat exhaustion::  
**C.C.C.-** I know superiority doesn't exist but neither does equality. But I can't help but feel superior... Cuz I am! (Heh heh. Superiority conplex? DEITY COMPLEX)  
**Crystal of dark-** Heh heh heh. Nice going. Maul the Kurama.  
**Hakudoshi-chan-** You may never know... ::Twilight Zone music plays::  
**ryuugitsune-** What would be cool? Being mauled with a frying pan?  
**Bar-Ohki-** 1) I control my anger so well it's like I'm not even angry! BECAUSE I'M NOT! Nothing makes me mad, really. I'm just an extremely happy person. OH GOD! I'M BECOMING SHADOW! AHHHHHH! 2) Yes, well I've never gone to that extent... But that's true. Women can scare just about anybody when they're mad. GRR. 3) Shadow wouldn't get herself killed, she'd be like #2 and blow up the world. Then she'd drift in space until she got to Pluto and discovered the mutant snow creatures dwelling there. 4) Has Botan been in _any_ of my stories?  
**Yayo-** -sarcastically- Have you ever read my stories before? -serious- Of COURSE it was random! Random is one of those many names between my first and last!  
**Mimiko7-** ... I'm debating whether Michael Jackson is really a man or not. He got so much plastic surgery stuff, I mean, they took off his nose, who knows what else they could have taken off...? Ahem... Moving on... Women could splice their cells? Eee. Well I still say men should be kept underground in cages as slaves and breeding stock and let women run the world.  
**xkuroxshinobix-** ::salutes:: Yes, well, two months isn't really soon... Except you reviewed on June 28th... So... July 21st isn't two months...  
**Shessha's Crazy-** I know. Long ago I decided women should rule the world and men should be kept underground in cages as slaves and breeding stock. In fact, I just mentioned that to Mimiko7 in my reply... I was gonna write a book about it. I had that idea ages upon ages upon decades and centuries ago.  
**zee-** It seems everyone who's reviewed has said that women are superior... But... Everyone who reviewed, I believe, has been a woman, so that explains where that came from....  
**_ONWARD!_**

**CHAPTER FIVE  
**Not Much

Apparently somebody eventually did something with the girls' unconscious bodies, because the next day Eclipse and Shadow woke up on the couch and in the sacred fluffy reclining chair, respectively. The frying pans were no where to be seen, but that was okay, as both girls had suffered short term memory loss and had no idea why they were lying on the furniture in the living room instead of beds like most normal, respectable people. Then it dawned on them that they are neither normal nor respectable, and there was much rejoicing.

However, they still had all their memories from _before_ they had mauled each other with frying pans, and they remembered Kurama's project. Shadow reached into her pocket and read off the list of annoying things they'd come up with that were more or less characteristic to the male gender (if Yusuke and Kuwabara are good examples of normal boys).

"Slobs. Lazy. Stupid. Useless. Boring. Smelly. Obsessive. Klutz. Arrogant. Oversized ego. Heartless. Ignorant. Sex-obsessed. Too smart? Short? What the heck!?" Shadow said, reading off the list.

"I think at that point we got to Kurama and Hiei."

"Yeah, probably... KURAMA!!!" Shadow shouted.

"HE'S AT _SCHOOL_!" a voice shouted in her ear. Shadow nearly fell off her chair.

"Don't do that, Hiei."

"Yes ma'am."

"Wow, are you actually going to listen to me?"

"No."

"Dumb man."

"That wasn't very nice."

"Do I care?"

"Apparently not."

"Exactly." She paused. "...Dumb man."

Hiei sighed. "Whatever you say."

"I know. Because I'm always right. It's a woman's trait."

"Sure it is."

"Shut up, Hiei."

"You had 'oversized ego' on the list of faults of _guys_, but you're the one saying you know everything."

"I'm only telling the truth."

"Sure. Then what's the meaning of the universe?"

"That's classified."

"I'm sure it is."

"It is. God wouldn't tell _me_, so why should I tell _you_?"

"Yeah, like God'd actually talk to _you_, of all people."

"Koenma does, and isn't he kinda God? Yeah, I kissed him once."

"You _WHAT_?"

"It was for your benefit, Hiei."

"How was kissing Koenma helping me?"

"Ahem. Shadow, if I recall, you were doing a little more than kissing him," Eclipse spoke up.

"I was what?"

"Yeah... Hiei, she loves it when you're on a mission, or when you're kidnapped. She gets to play the field, ya know?" Eclipse said. Shadow was goggling in disbelief, Hiei was goggling in disgust, and Eclipse was enjoying every minute of it.

"She what?" Hiei stammered.

"Yeah... She goes up to Reikai, Koenma's office, clears off his desk..."

Shadow and Hiei both made disgusted gagging noises.

"Like I'd ever have sex with somebody who still sucks on a pacifier!"

"I bet he could suck on some other stuff, if you're interested, Hiei," Eclipse said. Hiei screamed in horror. Shadow choked, somewhere between disgust and amusement.

"What the hell has gotten into you, Eclipse Shinomori?" she snapped, deciding for disgust. After all, they were talking about _Koenma_ here, and Koenma was the last person Hiei would ever... No, actually Kuwabara was probably the last, but Koenma was pretty far down there. Besides, Hiei's straight! Why would he--

"What's gotten into me, you ask?" Eclipse said. "Well... I really don't know, but it's probably not good."

"Most definitely!"

Meanwhile, Hiei was gagging in the bathroom.

"I mean, you're talking about Koenma... and _Hiei_... being... _together_! THAT'S SICK! YOU ARE A SICK, SICK GIRL! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR... THAT'S DISGUSTING! EW!" Shadow kept screeching and shuddering and eventually curled up and rocked back and forth on her heels muttering under her breath.

"Maha! Score one!"

"Score what? What are you doing, keeping track of how many times you can disgust me?" Shadow asked suddenly. Eclipse smirked. "Get stuffed!"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, well I bet I could disgust you!"

"You wanna bet?"

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"I think so. I wasn't really listening."

"SHINOMORI, YOU ARE _DEAD_! I SHALL PREVAIL!" And with that, Shadow ran off to plot evil things in her room.

Now, you realize that this is really screwed up. Shadow and Eclipse are waging war against the guys and Kurama's project, and Shadow and Eclipse are waging a who-can-be-more-disgusting war between each other. This will either be really interesting, really perverted, or really stupid. Probably the latter. I'll probably wish I'd deleted it.

Hours later...

"Okay, that stupid Civics teacher moved up the due date for this project! It is now due next Tuesday. It's like... Thursday now. I need to seriously start taping," Kurama said, pulling out his camcorder and focusing it on his next victim. Yusuke.

"Yusuke, are men superior?"

"Of course! Men are strong! Women are weak! Men need to be around to protect the weak women from the evils in this world!"

"Yeah, like blank TV screens!" Eclipse said, popping over his shoulder.

"And full bags of potato chips!" Shadow said, appearing over his other shoulder.

"And more men!" they said in unison. Yusuke grabbed them and flipped them over his shoulders so they were in front of him. He pulled up his shirt.

"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE I SIT IN FRONT OF A TV AND VEGETATE?"

"_Yusuke!!!_ Please, this is for SCHOOL! I'm going to get a zero for all the profanity and nudity!"

"There isn't much nudity," Shadow said. "That's the first thing... However, if you _want_ nudity in it, I'm sure Eclipse would happily comply."

"I'd do what?! HELL NO!"

"Oh, come on, it's nothing he's never seen before..."

Kurama turned off his camera. "What exactly _are_ you talking about?"

"Kurama's never seen me naked!"

"Yeah, that's what _you_ say..."

"Well fine, he's seen me naked if Koenma's seen you naked."

"What if he has?"

Eclipse gagged. "Has he?"

"Perhaps."

Eclipse hacked and screeched and ran into the bathroom, yelling about bad images. There was a long silent pause, then Yusuke spoke up.

"_Has_ Koenma seen you naked?"

And Yusuke didn't speak up again for the next four hours due to the fact that he was rather unable to, since most people can't have conscious thought and speak when they are unconscious and hanging by their ankles out a fourth story window.

"Where's Yusuke?"

"Where's who?"

"Yusuke."

"Who's that?"

"Black hair, about yay-high, brown eyes, potty mouth? Ring a bell?"

"Mmm... Nope. Never heard of him."

"Shadow, I'm serious. His mother's on the phone, and she's actually sober!"

"What? Shoot. Well..." Shadow snatched the phone. "Hi, Yusuke's mom? He'll be on in a minute." She ran up the stairs, and up more stairs, and more stairs, until she reached the roof.

And found that Yusuke was no longer hanging by his ankles out the window.

"OH MY GOD, HE'S GONE! HE'S PLUNGED TO HIS DEATH SEVERAL DOZEN FEET BELOW! THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF HIM! HIS MOTHER IS GOING TO BE SO UPSET! AHHHHHH! OH MY--"

"Shadow?"

"--AND BLOOD WAS EVERYWHERE, AND--"

"Hey, Shadow?"

"--GUTS! BLOOD AND GUTS! THEY WON'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO BURY!"

"_Shadow!_"

"Maybe there's a finger or an eyeball left... They could preserve it in formaldehyde... Put a big label on it. 'Yusuke Urameshi's remains after falling out a fourth floor window because of flashing some girl he didn't live with but was rather good friends with and accusing her of sleeping with the Prince of Reikai--'"

Yusuke, who'd been trying to get her attention, turned to Hiei, who had followed her up the stairs. "You think she'll realize I'm right behind her anytime soon?"

"Nah. I'll snap her out of it. Your mom's on the phone downstairs."

Yusuke trotted down the stairs. Hiei got close behind Shadow, who was still rambling about what to put on the plaque commemorating Yusuke's remains, and yelled in her ear.

"HEY, SHADOW!!!"

And Shadow promptly fell out the window. There was a loud thud.

"OH MY GOD, NOW _I'M_ DEAD!"

Hiei sighed.

"WHAT'S LEFT OF ME? QUICK, FIND IT AND PUT IT IN A JAR! MAYBE THEY CAN CLONE ME!"

Peering out the window, Hiei saw Eclipse walk out of the house towards Shadow with a baseball bat.

"ECLIPSE! YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME! I'VE DIED, AND I CAN'T FIND MY BODY PARTS!"

There was a horrible crack and Shadow was... still not quiet.

"Stop it! I'm already dead!"

"Maybe I should get Hiei to perform mouth-to-mouth on you then!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay."

There were several more cracks and Shadow was finally quiet. Hiei winced. How can one person's skull take so much damage and still be intact? How can one person's skull take so much damage and not be damaged?!

Then, the answer came to him.

Because Shadow Jaganshi...

Doesn't have...

A BRAIN!

Woot woot! You _are_ correct! Ding ding ding ding! Let's cheer for you and look at the grand prize! Oh, what's this? The grand prize is a cracked skull! _Your_ skull? Sweet!

When Hiei managed to get away from the baseball-bat-wielding authoress, he went downstairs to find Kurama's Civics project playing on the TV. He watched it, his eyes getting wider each minute and his mouth hanging open, and by the end, his jaw was nearly on the floor and his eyes were threatening to pop.

"Wow, Kurama, you're really screwed."

"No, you guys are! Shadow is! Because it's her fault that it's so awful! She went to school for several months, she doesn't understand how important this is!!! SO SHE RUINS IT!"

"Don't forget Eclipse."

"AND HER! SHE'S JUST... HORRIBLE! I've never seen her naked! What the heck was Shadow saying that for?"

"Why does everything always return to Shadow? She's like, a giant, super, mega, ultra strong magnet, and everything goes towards her."

"Nice simile, Hiei."

"Nice what?"

"Never mind."

"We're screwed?" Shadow and Eclipse appeared out of no where and scared the crap out of the two demons. "Who's the lucky guy?"

Kurama nearly exploded at the sight of them, but Hiei said sarcastically, "It's Kuwabara."

"AW, SICK!" Eclipse squawked.

"You know you'd like it, Eclipse," Shadow said dryly, looking idly at her fingernails. Eclipse kicked her. "That didn't hurt." Eclipse kicked her again. "OW! That still didn't hurt, Kuwa-lover."

Eclipse tackled her friend and they strangled each other until both of them passed out.

"Didn't you have another interview to do?" Hiei asked.

"Let's see... Got Shadow and Eclipse... You... Baka... and Yusuke. Two more. I have to get a girl and a guy, because Kuwabara's was COMPLETELY useless cuz he had no idea what he was talking about and I don't think I'll be using it."

"Koenma and Botan," Hiei suggested.

"Keiko, maybe," Kurama muttered.

"Nah. Botan."

"Shizuru?"

"Oh my God, Kurama, you're seriously not getting any better. Shizuru would kick your ass for asking that!" Hiei said, laughing.

"I'd better get started, anyway. Let's start with Koenma." The two headed out of the house, stepping over two unconscious girls on the way out but not particularly caring.

**.................................................................**

**I know why I didn't post this as soon as I finished it. Because I wasn't sure I wanted that whole freak-out competition between Shadow and Eclipse in this story as permanent, but it looks like it's there to stay... Oh well. It might resurface again, but then again it might not...**


	6. Last Interviews

**It's short.**

**CHAPTER SIX  
**Last Interviews

"So, Koenma, are men superior?" Kurama asked, having explained the project to the teenager look-alike.

"Of course! Just look at _me!_"

Shadow appeared around one side of his chain, then jumped up onto the back of it, looking down at him. Her posture reminded Kurama somewhat of a vulture. "Yes, look at him. He still has a pacifier. And you're _how old_? Jeez..."

Eclipse appeared around one side of his chair. "And what does he do all day? Watch TV! And stamp papers! Look at that huge TV!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE? WE LEFT YOU TWO UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR! YOU STRANGLED EACH OTHER!" Kurama bawled. However, Hiei wasn't wasting time screaming. He picked the both of them up and booted them out of Koenma's office, right into the path of some ogre carrying a 2-foor-high stack of papers. The guy tripped and papers went everywhere. Hiei quickly ducked back into the office and closed the door, smiling innocently. Kurama had watched through his camcorder screen, forgetting it was taping.

There were yelps and yells outside the office and the door burst open, sending Hiei sprawling across the polished floor.

"HOLY F---ING SHIT! THIS PLACE IS F---ING DANGEROUS! WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING WITH SUCH F---ING DANGEROUS CREATURES WORKING FOR YOU?!" Shadow screamed.

"Shadooow!!!" Kurama whined, his shoulders slumping. "I'm definitely getting an F on this project, thanks to you..."

"An F? You mean an F as in fu--" Shadow started. Kurama cut her off.

"SHUT UP! I need to go back through and censor this thing! Seriously!"

"Heh heh heh..."

"And it's NOT FUNNY!"

"I think it is," Shadow said, smirking. She was promptly chased back out into the havoc caused by her in the first place as Kurama darted after her, shouting every curse word he could think of plus a few he'd heard Hiei say and some he'd just made up.

Eventually, a good while later, they found Botan. Kurama explained his project to her.

"Oh dear, Kurama. I don't think I can give an opinion on that," she replied before he started filming. "I've met so many people... I just couldn't make an honest choice..."

"Well then who should I interview?!" Kurama asked pleadingly.

"Do you have to interview a girl?"

"Well, I'd prefer... Since I've got three guys already..."

"Then I'm sure Shizuru would have an opinion," Botan said, smiling.

"Shizuru. Great," Kurama muttered. "I suggested that, but then Hiei quickly changed my mind... I guess that's who we're stuck with, though."

"Oh, by the way, what happened to Shadow and Eclipse?"

The two girls were being held up by the collars of their shirts by a calm-looking Hiei. They had bruises and bumps on their heads.

"WE WERE BLUDGEONED!" Shadow cried triumphantly, jumping up. She was promptly clubbed in the head again and fell over again.

"... Oh."

Eventually, after taking Shadow and Eclipse home and leaving them lying on the porch, Kurama and Hiei started towards the Kuwabara's place.

When Kurama knocked, Shizuru was the one to answer the door.

"Oh, hey guys. If you're looking for my little brother, he's not here."

"Yeah, I know. I think he's at Shadow's. I need to talk to you. It's for school."

"You need to talk to _me_ for _school_?"

"It's a project. Can we come in?"

"Oh. Right. Sure." She stood aside to let them in. Kurama stepped inside, but Hiei was staring down the hall.

"I'll be right back," he said, stalking off. Shizuru shrugged and closed the door.

"So, what is this project?"

"It's for civics. We had to interview six people to get their views on the question of superiority. I tried interviewing Botan, but she wouldn't give me and answer, she said she couldn't choose, so I have to ask you. Please refrain from using any extraneous foul language..."

The door opened back up and Hiei walked in, dragging a certain psychotic duo of half demon girls.

"They followed us here," he stated flatly.

"Are you two stalking me or something?" Kurama asked.

"Stalking? No! You just happen to going to all the same places we are!" Shadow said innocently.

"Yeah, _that's_ a load of shit," Hiei muttered. Shadow looked up at him with wide eyes, horrified.

"Please, have mercy!!!" she wailed. Then she changed her tone. "Have mercy, or I'll kill you!"

"Shadow, I'm not going to kill you..."

"You aren't? You aren't even going to bludgeon me?"

"No."

"Yay!" Shadow jumped up and hugged Hiei. "Okay, do continue, Fox."

"Right..." Kurama muttered, focusing his camera on Shizuru and hitting record. "Okay, Shizuru. Are men superior?"

"No. Men are stupid. No offense to you two, of course."

"Right," Hiei muttered, but he was drowned out by Shadow and Eclipse, who suddenly jumped up cheering. They paraded around the room throwing confetti and singing some song you'd only hear on the Fourth of July in the US.

"OH HOORAY FOR THE RED WHITE AND BLUE!" Shadow sang, only knowing those words and filling in the rest with 'la.' Fireworks exploded around them and Eclipse followed her around throwing confetti and letting balloons float up to the ceiling. Shadow and Eclipse popped into either side of Kurama's video and blew party favors so they rolled out and nearly hit the camera.

"GET LOST, BOTH OF YOU!" Kurama screamed. Hiei, obviously acting as a sort of security guard, dragged them out of the room.

"They've screwed up every interview," Kurama explained.

"Those two girls are gonna give you an early death," Shizuru said.

"Well, there's the rare occasion that they're both nice girls, ya know? But like I said... It's rare."

"Yeah."

Kurama collapsed onto the couch, back at Shadow's house. He was going to watch this tape from beginning to end and write down everything that needed to be fixed. As Hiei had told him, it would take a while.

"Anybody else wanna watch this horrible failure of a project with me?" he called out, aware that there wasn't anyone else in the room. Despite that, though, everybody swarmed down the stairs and sat on the couch. Kurama groaned.

"Great."

Shadow had ended up beside him. She hugged him. "It'll be okay, Kurama... You got the project done, didn't you? Now all you have to do is censor it from things like Yusuke flashing me!"

"That's the least of my concerns, Shadow. Now let go of me."

"Yessir."

Yusuke and Kuwabara sat side by side eating popcorn, watching the video like it was a very interesting movie. Eclipse stood behind them and they were oblivious that she was stealing their popcorn and therefore, after their popcorn vanished, were wondering why their popcorn was gone so fast when they'd only had about two handfuls.

"You know, all that popcorn is gonna make you sick," Shadow said. "And you're not using my bathrooms. Go home."

"Shhhhh!" Yusuke and Kuwabara hissed, pointing to the TV.

Hiei watched with his eyebrows raised the entire time.

And Kurama, poor, poor Kurama, watched in horror, slack-jawed, wide-eyed, the only thing in his mind a huge red F for FAILURE!

**"THIS IS HORRIBLE! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLY TERRIBLY AWFUL! I'M DEAD!"** he exploded. Everybody stared as he curled up in a twitching ball on the couch with his hands over his ears.

"Oh. Damn," Shadow said casually.

(AN: Have you noticed how often I torture Kurama? Well, no Karasu this time, at least...)

Kurama jumped up and glared at her. "'Oh damn' is putting it quite mildly, don't you think, when this whole thing was your fault?"

"And Eclipse's!" Shadow said.

"Was not!" Eclipse denied.

"Yeah, I bet it wasn't. Then how come you help sabota---ah... I mean... HOw come you helped me prove women are better?"

"SABOTAGE?!" Kurama screamed. Everybody was watching this scene with as much interest as they'd watched Kurama's civics project. Yusuke and Kuwabara were sipping cans of soda through straws and eating M&M's. (_Don't own, have no affiliation... :D_)

However, their viewing was cut short as Kurama decided he would drag these two away to strangle them, since it wasn't something for the public to see, even if the 'public' was just his three close friends. So, he dragged them outside by their shirts and they vanished into the forest.

"... Why'd he drag them into the forest?" Yusuke asked.

"Because he doesn't want you guys to see him maul those two helpless girls," Hiei said absently, scratching his nose as he thought.

"Maul, huh?" Kuwabara said. "If Youko has anything to say about it, I bet they'll be doing something else."

Hiei suddenly lost his train of thought and slammed Kuwabara in the side of the head with a book.

"Pervert!"

**....................................**

**Yeah, it was short, like I said. Next story to be updated: Youko Jaganshi...**


	7. The Apocolypse is Coming

**Hakudoshi-chan- **...Kurama's scary? He's actually the last person I'd think of as scary, but then again, I already forget the last chapter so I mighta made him scary... Dunno... Woooo...  
**Bar-Ohki-** Yes, true, he could have counted it, but I didn't want him to... The All-Mighty Authoress has holy powers over her own stories, you know.  
**C.C.C.-** Wolfy! Yes, you have pinpointed my weakness. Wolves. I've had wolf calenders in my room every year for ages, except last year I think when I had a DBZ calender (Don't like DBZ anymore...) and a dog-a-day calender... I want a wolf-a-day calender. Think I could find one for 2005?  
**Draikitha-** See, if I just sit down and write, I can get a lot done... I just never got around to it for three months during school cuz of school! And other stories..... Heh heh heh... Oops.  
**Wild Roses-** BAAAAAAAHHHH! I updated! Don't die! That's bad! Bad, you hear!?  
**Silver Sniper-** Short review. Maha. Sort reply: Thanks for your review.  
**Robin Autumn-** Hai, another update only what, five days later? We're happy, are we not?  
**SlightlyInsane-** Only _slightly_ insane, are you? I'm totally, completely, 100% insane. Yup. I escaped from the loony bin a couple months ago. ::gets hauled off by men in white coats::  
**Shessha's Crazy-** Well, this is the last chapter............................... Uhhhhhh... Cheese.  
**Abanasinia-** I hath updateth.  
**Mari Youma-** Whenever I have a project for school, I do it just like I do everything else for school: Totally zoned out, and the next day I don't remember doing it.  
**Rose Spirit-** All my characters are OOC in my stories. ::gets dragged to court by thousands of lawyers for saying "my" characters in reference to Hiei and them all...::  
**kaida13-** You'll see what grade he gets... And nobody sabotages it... However... Oh, just read it!  
**PicoPicoZufuChan-** What weren't you expecting? I forget the last chapter already. Lol.

**I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING! Now I realize what some person meant when they said I should separate the subjects more! God! When I type these things up, I skip a space between each subject to show the passage of time and stuff, well when I upload them, it takes that out! I just realized that! God! My stories are all screwed up cuz of that! Damn them! God! Freaking idiots! Stupid retarded evil QuickEdit thing!**

**On other topics, this chapter's even shorter than the last.**

**CHAPTER SEVEN  
**The Apocalypse is Coming!  
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

The day Kurama feared came sooner than he wished. A lot sooner.

"Okay, class, we'll start presenting our projects today," the teacher said, gesturing to the TV in the corner. "How many of you are actually finished?"

After establishing that only eight out of twenty students were finished, the teacher called for a volunteer. Nobody stood up.

"Shuichi, how about you? Would you like to go first?"

Kurama jumped. "Well, no, not really..."

"What? Shuichi Minamino doesn't want to show us all his work? Why don't you go first, then?"

Kurama groaned, but he got up and started his recording. He paused it for a second before it'd started and turned to the class.

"Okay, just to let you know, I don't expect a good grade on this, because my friends totally bombed it. I was up until two in the morning last night censoring it... There's also some violence, religious arguments, and name calling, but I'm sure you all can stand that... With that said in warning... Well, at least you'll get some laughs out of it..."

Kurama went back to his seat and died. Well, not really, but he tried to avoid paying attention to his own video. However, that proved difficult when, after everything he'd filmed, at the end of the video, there appeared something he knew he hadn't filmed. Shadow's face appeared on the screen.

"Hello everyone! Shuichi doesn't know I'm recording this, so if there's a report of my corpse being found floating in the river, don't arrest him, cuz I deserve it. Now! On to the important stuff! My name, as you know, is Shadow Jaganshi. I live in this baby wigwam." She held up an inch-high plastic model of a wigwam (A/N: don't know what it is? Look it up!) for everybody to see.

"Izzinicuuuuute?" she said, smiling stupidly and petting the wigwam with one finger. "Ahem. Anyway, I am just here to tell you that in this world, there is no superiority and that K-- er... Shiuchi... should get a good grade on this. I put together a very short little thing, kinda like a blooper reel, showing examples of male and female superiority. You shall now view it."

Shadow had indeed put together a reel of male and female superiority. It consisted of everything from herself losing horribly at cards to Hiei being pummeled with a big foam hand until he curled up on the ground covering his head. There were clips of Kurama digging a big hole in the ground then noticing the camera and slamming the camera operator in the head with the shovel he'd been using. A short excerpt from the much-longer video of Kuwabara making out with a pillow appeared, as well as a multiple snapshots of Yusuke being slapped by Keiko. There was a clip of Kurama and Hiei being chased by a crowbar-wielding Shadow, then it switched so Shadow was the one running from Kurama and Hiei, who were both wielding spiked clubs.

Kurama, in his Civics classroom, had watched the entire thing in horror up to this point. He fell out of his chair and lay there, curled up and twitching, his ears covered and his eyes squeezed shut.

There were also clips of Shadow bludgeoning Kuwabara, Hiei ordering Shadow around, Eclipse bludgeoning Kurama, Kurama strangling both the girls, Kuwabara and Yusuke being chased by a sword-swinging lunatic Shadow, and a multitude of other things that only lasted from two to five seconds each, depending on what it showed. Overall, the entire reel lasted about two minutes.

**The class loved the entire video.** Though a few of them thought Kurama was a bit nuts after that, and many of them were startled that such a smart, quiet, well-behaved student such as him could hang out with such lunatics, they all liked it.

"Well..." the teacher said after it was over. "I have to say that was very interesting, Shuichi... Hardly what I'd have expected from you... It most definitely did not persuade me to believe one sex is superior to the other, but I think that was the point of yours, what it not? To prove that everyone is equal?"

Kurama twitched. "Yeah..." he said in a slightly high-pitched voice. "Yeah. That was it, all right..."

**. . .**

**"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT, YOU STUPID GIRL! MY TEACHER THINKS I'M OUT OF MY MIND! YOU'RE HORRIBLE! WASN'T IT ENOUGH I WAS UP UNTIL TWO IN THE MORNING, BUT YOU HAD TO STEAL IT AND TAMPER WITH IT? GAH! I SHOULD KILL YOU!"**

"What grade did you get?" Shadow asked, hardly concerned with his screaming.

"I got a B, but that's beyond the point."

"KURAMA GOT A B?" Yusuke screamed.

"IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!" Eclipse wailed, running in circles holding her head. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! CALL THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! TELL HIM IT'S HIS FAULT! ALL HIS FAULT!"

"We're in Japan, Eclipse. Were you not aware of that?" Hiei said.

"I KNOW! BUT ALL THOSE YEARS AGO WHEN PRESIDENT WHATSISFACE DROPPED BOMBS ON HITLER, THAT WAS THE START OF IT ALL!!!"

"Eclipse... Do you know _anything_ about history?" Kurama asked.

"NO! BUT DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING CUZ ME KNOWING SOMETHING WOULD MEAN IT'S THE APOCALYPSE FOR THE ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM! NO, THE ENTIRE **_WORLD_**! ISN'T THAT HORRIBLE?"

"Sure... If you say so..." Kurama mumbled, completely away from his original goal of tearing out Shadow's throat for tampering with his project, staring at Eclipse like she was insane...

"Eclipse... The world is smaller than the solar system..." Hiei said.

"I KNOW! EVERYBODY IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE WOULD KICK THE BUCKET! BECAUSE I KNOW SOMETHING! OH MY GOD! I JUST SAID 'I KNOW' TO SOMETHING! THAT MEANS I KNOW SOMETHING! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! AHHHHHHHH!" Eclipse screamed, holding her head and pulling her hair.

"You wanna do the honors?" Hiei asked Kurama.

"Huh?"

"Never mind." Hiei clubbed Eclipse with a shoe and she fell over, curling up and twitching on the ground.

"So the dilemma comes to an end," Shadow said, narrator-style. "Kurama did _not_ horribly fail his Civics class because of me, the class loved the video and nobody else's compared in the least because I am Queen of the Universe and I make everything better just by existing. The end."

Hiei clubbed her with a shoe too.

"You're stupid, Shadow."

Shadow pounced on him and pummeled him with the shoe.

"YOU'RE STILL NOT SUPERIOR TO ME!"

And the battle continued... **FOREVER!** Muwahahahahahahaha!!!

**WooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOO!!**

**...............................................................................**

**I feel stupid for never realizing that thingy about the spaces and whatnot before... Now I have to go back through and see what kind of damage it did to them........ I'm mad.**


End file.
